Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You can't motorboat a personality
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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