Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need to calm my uterus...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize