I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
