dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
