My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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