dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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