so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
