I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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