I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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