my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
