no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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