she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
