K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
