When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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