my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
