I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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