Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
