I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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