tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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