Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
