she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Come on in and take your pants off
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