he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
