i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
