i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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