Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
