i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
