I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They have beer where we have blood.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
