I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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