i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
