Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
