What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
sex in a hospital.. check
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
