bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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