Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he shaved USA in his pubs
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
