I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
