the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
