i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
