I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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