just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
