Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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