He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
