sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
