Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dear god my vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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