You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
