i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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