I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
