Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
