NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
