I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
