i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
