he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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