As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
