I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
