Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

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(785): View more from Kansas

It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

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(601): View more from Mississippi

There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(314): View more from Missouri

Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.

(910): View more from North Carolina

My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with

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(203): View more from Connecticut

And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word

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