Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.