So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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