Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
