Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.

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(214): View more from Texas

okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you

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(418): View more from Quebec

I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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(765): View more from Indiana

Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(541): View more from Oregon

You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!

(503): View more from Oregon

... That's a shower caddy.

(541): View more from Oregon

I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.

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(303): View more from Colorado

His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Do I really need this much space in my mouth?

(414): View more from Wisconsin

Are you already high?

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(239): View more from Florida

I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost

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(818): View more from California

I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic

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