Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
pop tarts are not kleenex
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..