his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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