If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
