shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think i have herpe
just one?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
