Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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