Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
