I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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