A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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