My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
