like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
