Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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