the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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