Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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