I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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