i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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