Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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