I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize