I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
