Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
