it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
