He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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