I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
