Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
