Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
