windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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