You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
