Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
